My Disillusioned Self

Life has a way of saying “Hey what’s up!?”

What can I say? Maggie is back around! I think it’s a good thing that she’s back but, I feel like I’m being used! Hmm…. how about if I like being used the way she’s using me? Well I guess the real question is “Is she using me or was she just not sure what she wanted and now she realizes that she wants me.?”, time will only tell. We had a good night when we hung out on Saturday. It was a cross between childish highschool I like you games and that lustful everdying passionate love kind of thing.

I’m so hungry now I can’t even think. I decided to do an experiment on myself and see if I could turn a fat piece of shit stoner into something that resembles a hot guy with a cut body, who is 100% drug free, somewhat emotionally stable(and if not never shows it) and can control the world and his surroundings at will (that will be a work in progres!!!). I’ll let you know how that one goes. I figured starvation would be the first step in my humble begining. Now, Now, I know what you’re thinking!
“Justin! Starvation! come on I thought that was above you!”
Well hear me out. I figured if I keep feeding myself while I’m hungry and make sure I’m never not hungry I will begin to negatively associate food and thus eat less. Now after the hunger drives me completely nuts and I’m at what I consider an acceptable weight (170lbs) I will try to reassociate food with good feelings. While this is going on (remember I’m completely nuts now) I will have trouble keeping in my inner agression which unfortunately part of being an animal of the species Homo Sapien(it’s been three days and I’m ready to kill someone) and will need an outlet for that agression. Well that said outlet is either going to be me choking somone to death or perhaps if I can harness that energy usefully use it to cause an excessive compulsive disorder towards physical activity. Now this sounds perfectly logical to me and I figure it will take 8 months to finish phase 1 of this crazy fucking idea.

Oh yes, in case anyone is interested in my calorie intake it’s not a drastic as I make it seem. According to charts my body needs exactly 2300 calories a day to take care of normal day to day bodily functions (i.e. breathing, cellular respiration, heart beating, all that good shit that makes you alive). I cut my calorie intake to 1230 calories a day. To put that in perspective that’s the same amount a small frame 4′9″ female needs and I’m a medium framed 5′11″ male. Not that drastic you say! Yes, I do say! Each pound of fat is 3500 calories. That means I have to create a deficit in calories that equals 3500 for each pound I want to lose. Doing this while taking a daily multivitamin, eating healthy with those 1230 calories I’m consuming and puting myself on a minor exercise plan til I go nuts (then it’s all hardcore baby!) will keep my body healthy during this horrible horrible transformation.

With that all said I’m going to go study for my psychology exam (will be the first time I opened the book all semester) so I can get a 100.