What Happened to All the Nice Guys?
What happened to all the nice guys?
The answer is simple: you did.
See, if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a Platonic guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He’d tag along with you when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but didn’t feel like going out, or even sit there and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how horribly the (other) guy that you were fucking treated you.
At the time, you probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay attention to him. They probably teased you because they thought he had a crush on you. Given that his behavior was, admittedly, a little pathetic, you vehemently denied having any romantic feelings for him, and buttressed your position by claiming that you were “just friends.” Besides, he totally wasn’t your type. I mean, he was a little too short, or too bald, or too fat, or too poor, or didn’t know how to dress himself, or basically be or do any of the things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, stylish boyfriend at the time pulled off with such ease.
Eventually, your Platonic buddy drifted away, as your relationship with the boyfriend got more serious and spending time with this other guy was, admittedly, a little weird, if you werent dating him. More time passed, and the boyfriend eventually cheated on you, or became boring, or you realized that the things that attracted you to him weren’t the kinds of things that make for a good, long-term relationship. So, now, you’re single again, and after having tried the bar scene for several months having only encountered players and douche bags, you wonder, “What happened to all the nice guys?”
Well, once again, you did.
You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy. You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion. You valued the aloof boyfriend more than the attentive “just-a-” friend. Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life. He probably came to realize, one day, that women aren’t really attracted to guys who hold doors open; or make dinners just because; or buy you a Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five months ago; or listen when you’re upset; or hold you when you cry. He came to realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he’d have to act more like the boyfriend that you had. He probably cleaned up his look, started making some money, and generally acted like more of an asshole than he ever wanted to be.
Fact is, now, he’s probably getting laid, and in a way, your ultimate rejection of him is to thank for that. And I’m sorry that it took the complete absence of “nice guys” in your life for you to realize that you missed them and wanted them. Most women will only have a handful of nice guys stumble into their lives, if that.
So, if you’re looking for a nice guy, here’s what you do:
1.) Build a time machine.
2.) Go back a few years and pull your head out of your ass.
3.) Take a look at what’s right in front of you and grab ahold of it.
I suppose the other possibility is that you STILL don’t really want a nice guy, but you feel the social pressure to at least appear to have matured beyond your infantile taste in men. In which case, you might be in luck, because the nice guy you claim to want has, in reality, shed his nice guy mantle and is out there looking to unleash his cynicism and resentment onto someone just like you.
If you were five years younger.
So, please: either stop misrepresenting what you want, or own up to the fact that you’ve fucked yourself over. You’re getting older, after all. It’s time to excise the bullshit and deal with reality. You didn’t want a nice guy then, and he certainly doesn’t fucking want you, now.
Sincerely,
A Recovering Nice Guy
—— Pulled from the Best of craigslist ——
http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/lax/483318927.html
This is the truth of truths and not much a nice guy can do so this nice guy would like to know how to become the ass because it is as you say
AWE FSCKing SOME.
I’ve posed these very arguments in piece and part, at various times. I learned, against my wishes, that women really do desire men that are NOT nice.
Now I’m a Dominant and enjoy BDSM. I get whatever I want and from any adult age range I choose. They’re all easy, despite assumed maturity. Getting older doesn’t make women wiser, or men for that matter.
Now, I get the relationship I want, the sex I want, and more, all without giving back any more than I wish to. Funny thing is, I would have given so much more, but that didn’t work. What did work was giving nothing, and taking what I wanted.
Now I keep my money for myself, and give women only what they deserve, and nothing less or more than that.
It is indeed fun to literally crack the whip now and again, over some petulant whining bleached blonde. Or worse, lock her in the stocks and explore her pain limits with expert knowledge.
Sincerely,
Your Daddy.
Fuckin’ A!
I too am fed up like this guy.
I guess most guys have tried this Mr Nice guy routine at some time, but there are plenty of women who treat nice guys right but many do not.
In looking arround we are looking at survivors only because the consistently nice guys are permanently paired off with equally nice women.
I think that to find a good single woman you need to hear a good story first because she has history and she will repeat it. Insist on listenning (rather than talking) and play very hard to get. Then if it seems right and you want it, take it, only be nice out of the bedroom.
harsh… but fair
Nail on the head.
Can I get a hell yeah !
Bravo!
I know how u feel its bullshit
This is the same thing as a fat woman complaining about not getting dates. Men are attracted to fit, pretty women while women are attracted to strong, charismatic men. She won’t date you for the same reason you won’t date a fat girl, even if she has a nice personality–there is no sex appeal. If men are unwilling (or unable) to overlook those kinds of deal-breakers, why would you expect women to?
Being strong and charismatic is NOT the same as being an asshole. There are many charismatic men in the world that are also courteous and honorable. These men are not only getting laid, but getting girls to stick around. Fat/balding/nerdy men do not have some sort of monopoly on treating women nicely.
Don’t blame women for not being attracted to you. You are the one wanting something for less, after all. Fix yourself up and turn yourself into something women want–no sense of entitlement and no more QQing.
All men agree that good intentions and a gallon of great personality doesn’t make an ugly girl pretty, so why do so many men complain when the same standard applies?
I have found myself a nice guy. After dating so many jerks, I wanted a nice guy and I was lucky enough to find one whom I love very much. It just takes some women too long to realize what they want.
Hahaha, someone’s bitter…
No, no no, no. no.
why do guys think that listening to someone = you owe me sex later?
bullshit.
want to know the truth?
girls divide guys into two categories: hot, not hot.
it takes 30 seconds for them to decide.
if they talk to you and treat you like a “nice guy,” it’s cause you’re not hot enough.
SORRY.
get over it, bitch.
Great post man.
Hear, hear, fellow nice guy…
Nice guys finish last, women always want the dangerous/asshole type, then always wonder why they have such crap boyfriends.
The amount of times I’ve had women describe me exactly when I asked them what they looked for in a boyfriend, just for them to go out with yet another asshole… too many times to count.
So true man. I feel your pain
Amen! The best line in there is : “if you were five years younger” HAHA great stuff.
Men have no right to complain about this. Women compromise on looks with their men a WHOLE lot more then men with women. It just so happens that more women are at a higher level of attractiveness, so men begin to expect that as a MINIMUM. Women spend so much time trying to look better, and men do nothing, get fat, and act like desperate little useless guys who have nothing to bring to the table, and get pissed when they cant get a girl who is really pretty. Why not go for a girl who is a “nice girl” but doesnt wear make up and is a little chubby, maybe has some acne and is shy? Why not? Because YOU are shallow. Women are waaaay more likely to end up with a man below her level of attractiveness. But theres a cut off point! Why not spend as much time and effort as women to on staying attractive? There’s men who do, and yeah, they get more women! You can’t be a fat slob and whine about what a “nice guy” you are, when obviously you cant take care of yourself. And the puppy dog act? Pathetic! That’s what it is… if you’re acting like a woman is a goddess and you’re slime, then that’s how shes going to treat you! Stand up, be confident, a woman doesn’t want to be treated like a precious little object, but as a human being! More often than not, if you GOT the girl you were begging after, you’d find out that you two don’t get along! You were too busy building her up in your mind to see who she really is… but she sees you! Besides, its kinda a prerequisite to romantic love that last a life time to be at least sufficiently attracted to your mate… how are you going to expect a girl to live with you for the rest of her life when looking at you leaves her bone dry? You don’t marry someone who doesn’t get you off. Yeah, you don’t aim for the best possible looks in exchange for personality, but you at least get someone you like ok.
So quit being whiny little freaks, and DO SOMETHING for yourself. Everyone who has good qualities can find someone, and if you’re not finding them you’re either barking up the wrong tree (going for girls who are totally not interested in you… with their own good reasons!) or you actually are a total loser who needs to focus on self improvement.
You arrogant freak.
My Husband-to-be is poor as dirt, and I’m totally out his league, but he keeps himself clean, eats right, takes care of the house, works hard, helps me better myself, and we get along even after all these years. Could you do all that? You may think so, but if you’re not finding that girl… well I think, enough said.
true that! i just don’t get why girls go after assholes! People who *don’t* treat them right – it’s very counterproductive. If you give girls too much at once, it’s overwhelming for her, and she just realized she can get what she wants from you… and so you’ve become “boring”… until she ruins her next relationship with a total dick and realizes that what she had originally was actually *not bad*, in fact, she got presents that were hand-made, such as electronic LEDs etc…
But when it comes down, it took 4 months in another relationship to loose the strong feelings for her and every day that passed was celebrated inside. Every new day was awaited to come, for every day that passed meant more time away from those strong feelings. The other relationship greatly helped to eradicate the feelings for the girl who “happened for all nice guys”.
If she was to ever knock back on your door, a part of you has its dream come true, but the rest, at least 80% of you is utterly disgusted.
Okay, men have their faults, so do women. Arguing gets people no where, state your point, move on, be honest. In people’s minds for a long time (hopefully not) “women will be assholes, guys will be douche bags, everybody will be stupid.” So let’s be honest and move on with our lives.
I hope that by the term “Nice Guys”, you mean self-loathing, sniveling, spineless misogynists. Because that’s exactly what you are, or at least what you appear to be in this article.
Do you want to know why she ignored you? Because she wanted a boyfriend with a personality. Not some spineless, codependent jerk who thought that performing nice acts would get him into her pants. A man who is truly a nice human being doesn’t go around performing good deeds and acting like a friend just so he can have his way with a woman he has a crush on at the moment. A good man doesn’t blame a woman for HIS problems, such as his lack of self-esteem and self-image. I hate to be the one to break this to you, but the only thing those “bitches” in all of your failed relationship attempts have in common is YOU.
Quit blaming the world for your issues, and fix the REAL problem: You.
AMEN, (whoever wrote this) Thank you for finally speaking the truth. If I get stuck on “just friend street” one more time I may have to just drive my car off a cliff.
Nice to know there is someone else out there recovering from being way too kind.
Awesome article.
Cheers
Dear recovering nice guy,
Oh boo hoo hoo. She didn’t want you not because you were a nice guy but because you are a whinny pussy. Be a man, go find a nice girl. Is this really all you have to complain about?
Wow… That is so sad. And so, so wrong. You shouldn’t take it all out on women just because you don’t know anything about them. I’m a woman and I don’t know everything about the gender as a whole, but I know a lot about this. I’ve had my share of nice guys sniffing around my butt all day long. I don’t like it and I know why.
Women don’t want nice guys. But we don’t want assholes either. The typical nice guy has a lot of attractive qualities: He’s polite, caring, well-dressed and what not. But he’s also needy and desperate. We don’t like that. That’s what attracted us to the “bad boys”: their independence. They don’t need us or anybody else. Of course it’s just a sharade, but back then we confused that immature behaviour with independence and strength. A man should be strong, confident, independent. He should know his own value and not sell himself short.
The nice guy does. He is willing to put up with ALL of our shit without considering his own needs. That is noble, of course, but it’s also pathetic. When the nice guy reveals his feelings to a girl, who then rejects him, he should take some time away from her to get over her. Not cling desperately to her, hoping that she’ll change her mind – trust me, she won’t. The nice guy never gives his object of affection a moment to miss him and everything he does for her. Because he’s ALWAYS there, no matter what other plans he might have. So she starts taking him for granted, starts seeing him as a pet or a family member: You love them to death, but you’d never actually fuck them.
So please, all nice guys:
Start growing som balls.
Start leading your own lives instead of latching on to someone elses.
Start listening to your other needs instead of thinking with your dick.
Stop whining. Start taking action.
– Bunnyfish
By the way, I know that those are not your words, but I’m assuming you agree with the guy who wrote it since you put it in your blog.
– Bunnyfish
LOL nice one trying tomake us feel bad. Except you have it all wrong… That girl who was your friend. she still doesn’t want you.no matter how bad some ass treated her.because if she did she would have already asked you ouot or let you know. Who she wants is one of your friends who was in the friendzone of some other dillusional girl. But you morons went and turned into a holes.. so now she has noone ..and as a result all you have are the skanky hoes who wanna sleep with you and then with your best friend the next night. if that is ok with you, then lucky you. But if you are a real man you will see that unless you get off that asshole train. you will never find happiness. with anygirl ever. and that girl you first wanted will still never ever want you . so suck it up and stop bbeing an ass already.we are tired of dealing with your bs!!!
signed, a nice girl
Holy Shit! Stumble upon definitely does increase blog traffic!
I see that I’ve angered a lot of woman by posting this. A few months later I still agree with it 100%.
I ended up hooking up with the girl who prompted me to post this. You know how? I just stopped making an effort and she ended up chasing.
It’s unfortunate really that I’ve turned into one of the guys I used to resent. I hope I find a “Nice Girl” that I can be a nice guy with but looking at what’s available it doesn’t seem likely. So right now I’ll just use you woman.
To respond to “not butthurt”. Most overweight physically ugly woman have too much emotional baggage to deal with.
Liz, you may be right that woman may be on a higher scale of attractiveness than men but apparently that good breeding hasn’t weeded out the “I’m better because I’m pretty attitude”. You say nice things about your husband but you start with putting him down first. I’m glad you’re “Out of his league” but don’t dwell on it because you’re going to get old.
There’s so much cannon fodder in these comments and I haven’t written in my blog for so long. Thanks for the motivation to write something again. Updates coming soon!
Phil, I’m not gorgeous, and I love the way my boyfriend looks, but it would be ignorant of me to pretend I wasn’t pretty enough to get someone prettier to him. doesn’t mean I want to get someone prettier for the sake of it… the point is that I GOT my nice guy. In your post you call “the nice guy” fat and bald, and when I say something the same, you call me out on it? Hypocrite, the point of your post I thought was that the nice guy wasn’t the hottest guy and that the girl ignoring him was getting hotter guys. Anyway, the point is I like him without him being a sex god, and even though he has a little tummy. I am also fully aware that I will be older and uglier… and so will he… so what? I’ll still have him and he’ll have me and we’ll still be happy. I never said he was ugly, just not conventionally attractive. In fact, here’s pictures of us, judge for yourself:
http://waffleimages.nwpshost.com/files/15/1552dfc203ada596d5518a58c907db8ff1914a37.jpg
http://kalleboo.mirror.waffleimages.com/files/7b/7bfafcea60c8124fdfc859a0dfa782280a3e2eba.jpg
…and beyond where I am with my relationship, which should be moot by now, it doesn’t change the fact that what you’re whining about isn’t the reason you’re not getting picked… it’s the fact that you’re the kind of person who would whine. Nothing turns a woman off like a man who’s personality isn’t strong enough to see her like a human and not a magical, wonderful object. The assholes may see an object for sex, but you “nice guys” see an object to worship, and that’s why we don’t like it. We want someone who will take our humanity, not just the good side. Someone who doesn’t take care of us only because he secretly wants us. It is my experience that the nice guy never really has a realistic idea of who the girl he’s chasing really is… it really seems you didn’t absorb any of what my previous post said. I’m a chronic nice guy attractor, listen to me. It’s your attitude, you THINK you’re the perfect guy, and that’s why you’re not. Notice that you DID get the girl when you stopped being a needy freak. Coincidence? No.
To sum it up:
All any “nice guy” need do is take a shower and treat his girl like a human being, not an object.
Lets try that again…
Here he is:
http://img.waffleimages.com/7bfafcea60c8124fdfc859a0dfa782280a3e2eba/n118500415_30955412_5775.jpg
I’m the last person to be arrogant about my looks, I’m no supermodel… I’m the wallflower. But even a wallflower can tell the difference between real affection and the “nice guy” obsessing with you. That man is more man than any “nice guy” will ever be.
…tell me… why don’t you nice guys just hook up with “nice girls?” whatever you just answered… that’s why we don’t date you. Hypocrites. All of you. Whiny hypocrites.
Admin: you speak absolute truth about obese/ugly women and baggage. Though from the way I see it, “nice guys” that grovel and fuss have it about the same–that’s my point. Everyone wants to complain and feel entitled to nice mates while refusing to consider that they may come across as one giant walking deal-breaker to the opposite sex. Whose fault is that?
Sometimes it’s hard to find these gems like this article. I really liked it.
Most females have no clue *sigh*, It is not him being a baby or whinny it is the principle that most of the opposite sex mostly looks for a mate that will have Money, successful, good looking, and social views (friends,family,society, and others) Instead of what matters as passion, chemistry, and in the end love, who knows a good guy you forced in the friend zone could most likely make your life so much better no cause he worships you that’s just dumb cause he cares
Any guy who thinks any of this is just a self deluded narcissist. You can’t get a girl, so you blame it on the girl? Don’t you see why that’s wrong? Since you obviously don’t, that just reflects why you don’t have a girlfriend.
And then it hit me, Why could i see this before hand? but then again i dated the nice guy and we didn’t work out.
You seem to be confusing actually being a nice guy with hanging around with a girl, not asking her out and then hoping she’ll fall in love with you. If the only reason you act like a friend is because you’re hoping she’ll eventually sleep with you… well, you’re an idiot, obviously, but you’re also not actually nice guy.
Liz, that link to your guy didn’t work. I think this is the link you were going for:
http://waffleimages.nwpshost.com/files/7b/7bfafcea60c8124fdfc859a0dfa782280a3e2eba.jpg
Peace
I have a guy “friend” who will tell you he is a “nice guy” who loves women but he is a bitter, angry man who really dislikes women. He knows I only want to be friends yet persists in wanting to give me foot rubs, paying for getting my hair done and trying to play with it…none of which I allow. I have twice cut off contact with him because I get sick of him being a whiny little bitch at 42 years old.
Suck it up, life is not fair and not everyone you want will want you back.
First, you need to understand that it’s not just “nice guys”. Men do exactly the same thing with “nice girls”. They ignore them, talk to them, take them for granted, and wind up dating the “bad girls” who are sexier, hotter, more exciting, and who wind up breaking their hearts. the “nice girls” may be a little plainer, maybe carry more weight, don’t dress quite as nicely, whatever. They get passed up, too, just like the nice guys. It’s not something unique to either men or women, but to people in general.
And yes, there are different types of “nice guys”. Some guys feign interest or caring in order to try to seduce women. That’s not who this article is describing. It’s talking about the genuinely nice, caring, compassionate men who get passed up because they’re not all that exciting.
The problem is that what gets our juices flowing isn’t necessarily what makes a good partner. We often opt for the sexual, the passion, instead of what will work long-term. So we jump into the sack with someone who isn’t compatible with us, get hurt, cry to our non-sexy friends, and do it all over again.
If we’re lucky, we eventually come to realize that passion, while important, isn’t the only trait we need in a partner. We need honesty, loyalty, empathy, compassion, many other things besides a hot body and great technique. Often we can find those traits in the friends we’ve been overlooking, if we’re willing to look a little more closely.
Bitter, party of one, your table is ready…
There is a reason why we don’t go for the ‘nice guy friend’. We are not attracted to them.
I’m not going to waste my life regretting not going for Mr. Nice Guy when the truth is I just had no feelings for him. Whats to regret? Not having a relationship with a lap dog you never fancied? Not getting married and having children with someone you never had any feelings for? Would that be fair on Mr. Nice anyway?
Yeah I’ve always gone for the bad guys and I’ve often been treated like shit. But at least I followed my heart and experienced passion. I regret nothing.
Hell yeah!all ya women want is excitement!!Yeehaw….now then if y’all can be overtly egoistic n be selfish enough to get all d damn excitement in life…don’t ya think that all the bad boy types cheatin on ya makes a lotta sense…U make a laughin stock outta yourself…ur literally askin to be cheated…OMG….!!here’s a small equation woman hanging around with bad guy=women losing dignity+bein used like a rag+has to handle d fact that he treats her no less than just a piece of meat n wait hold ur breath “Eureka”….she loves him coz he’s all manly n macho…n years later when she is a single mother….if in case she has a son…she tries to make him a momma’s boy..n if in case the boy cries n says there are no gals out there for a nice guy like him…She tells the biggest lie of his life-”Dont worry dear,therez always a nice one for u out there!!”…N he ends up dyin a nice guy with women he knew all his life cheating on their spouses…except for those women who were never with a guy coz they were handicapped for some reason or ugly…Women are not meant to be chased….drive your car over things tat rob ur emotions…start bein the dirty street crap….I luv ma bike more than neone…..sadly it’s a materialistic thing…but then it didnt break my heart in any way…n for all those women who think i may b a regular baldin fat guy…Well U r Fuckin wrong…Im a 24 yr old hot guy…with an 8pack n a lotta attitude…wen i loved a woman with all my heart mind and soul…she ditched me for the playboy in college…i was there for her,our relationship had lasted 5 yrz…believe that!!Met her a year back…she was all coochie coo n mushy literally beggin….Me bein nasty now….used n abused her emotions…laid her like a dog in heat…n ditched her the way she did me…wat a sweet sayin-wat goes around goes comes back around!!
@Sarah:
“Yeah I’ve always gone for the bad guys and I’ve often been treated like shit. But at least I followed my heart and experienced passion. I regret nothing.”
You don’t regret anything, but your children will do, because they will pay the price for their angry mother and careless father (or for their divorced parents).
Interesting, I’ve been reading a lot about this lately.
Something went wrong with the sexes, and recently at that. In general I think western society is deeply out of balance in regard to all of its interpersonal relationships, the more intimate the worse off.
So many broken homes, so many immature adults, so much harmful social engineering….that shit takes its toll on a culture