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End it…

I’m sick of searching for the point. I’m sick of trying to find meaning in nothing. I’m sick of fake friendships and lack of affection. I’m sick of trying to fit in when there is no place. I’m sick of striving for the top but, not having the motivation to keep it up. I’m sick of watching others succeed where I have failed. I’m sick of the disappointment of failure. I’m sick of believing I’m on top but ending up on the bottom. It’s the sickness of everything that is consuming me. I’m hurt, but I don’t bleed. I cry, but I don’t make a sound. I feel, but don’t show emotion. It’s the lack of being in sync with the world that drives me to insanity. If you don’t fit in and you always have to fake it, what’s the point? I should just end it……………………………………………………………………………………………………………

This entry was posted on Friday, January 11th, 2008 at 1:25 am and is filed under Archive. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

10 Responses to “End it…”

  1. I typed in “disillusioned” in Google and found your web-page. With todays entry. I don’t know what to say.. at least one person feels today like I do. That makes all the difference..

  2. You are loved and worthwhile. That will never change.

  3. You should be a journalist/writer. I think you embellish on your emotions and escape reality with it. I doubt you will” end it”, i mean what a stupid and selfish thing to say/do. Since you cherish your verbosity why not see a wave?, smell a flower?, then describe it, ? be nice to someone for no reason and be “real” about it? Don’t fake a friendship with a fake. There is no room at the top for everyone-be satisfied with someplace in the middle.

  4. Gosh, what you have just said is EXACTLY how I have felt the past few weeks…everything you have just said is what I have said out loud about myself. I feel so alone about this, and I don’t know how to get out of it. I too had drifting thoughts of wanting to “end” it. But i don’t have the guts to do it. It scared me.

  5. Hmmm… what can i say…. soooo many people with similar feelings and emotions. LIFE!!!

  6. i googled disillusioned today because someone called me a disillusioned soul. I feel today and most everyday like the blog you wrote…i’m 24.

  7. I googled “disillusioned”, and this is what I exactly feel. I have so many questions. I don’t know. I am so lonely and desperate. But, hey, at least there are two people here who understand. I guess we are all not alone after all.

  8. your every post leaves you sounding deranged. maybe disillusion is the wrong word until you know literally everything about yourself and the world around you. thinking about ending your life proves you know nothing about it.

  9. I know this was a while ago (found your page by accident) but I think you were judging yourself too harshly! No one ever fits in but most like to fake it …why not dance to your own rhythm? I bet you’ll feel better and get on more smoothly when you don’t have the fake, unrealistic standards set by others to aim for. Remember that most people who look like they fit and expect you to do the same have little or no concept of living with true authenticity! Love yourself and treat yourself like you’re the most important person in your life…because after all, you are!

  10. i feel ya man.. fuck i feel exactly the same way, but lets go on and watch this crazy fucked up world go down in flames.. its a ride after all.

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